PIX

this picture was taken today. JAN.19TH..HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACK!!

sooo i am totally buying this shirt!!!!!!

today....ugh...WHAT A DAY!

okay so my foot - yea it is soo not doing what its supposed to. I did soo much today! they say nO pain no gain - but today was way too much, the pain is NOT TOLERABLE! I know Emotionally I am still not ready for such a rough day. I was in constant pain, but i wanted to use relaxation techniques and meditations that i was tough.. but its sooo hard with chronic pain. But as for the anxiety i know that affects the progress - I AM TRYING SOO HARD.. LIKE I WISH PEOPLE KNEW!! .ugh sometimes i think people don't believe that the pain is so bad! I know its gonna HURT.. and I promise dag nabit I am hurting and pushing. BUT NOW LOOK AT IT! its just so hard because why are my stupid nerves not responding ? I don't blame anyone for my pain...i think when we find those docs and a team of people who are truly compassionate and love what they do. We need to hold on to them. They are a select few out there and I was blessed enough to get some of them. I KNOW THEY CAN HELP... I pray every night that they will be inspired! AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP... rsd is just terrible. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DO ALL THAT I DID TODAY. but i think there should be a limit to the amount of pain i am in. I will try my best but i cant have a day like this. I'm trying and its literally killing me. . . ugh i just need some help i hate hurting...but don't give up on me... CAUSE I WILL NEVER LET RSD GET TO ME
morgan

Jan 17..a ruff day!

Well lets start off on a good note! i slept GREAT! Even though the girl next to me might have woke me up once that's it!But anyways...what i day! shesh so much going on. well i woke up and it was like my muscles knew i was awake IT FREAKED HARD! ..i so frustrated because i had such a good night. I think that this kinda frustration was very common today! P.T was so hard i did the bike for 4 minutes but it was sooo hard. my foot was BURNING!! then bam my muscles spazed and it was bad. it scared me because it reminded me of a really bad spaz at home! i was balling in tears at the moment i felt alone..The pain was so intense for the first time i realized that i probably would have more of these days. Its hard because i want to except that. i just don't want to leave the same way i came. its scary because i am not giving up! so DON'T GIVE UP ON ME. its soo hard i know i say that alot. but it is. i would much rather do my PT and treatment at phoenix children's. Well maybe not all but most because i just like the pain both inside and out the people here are helping. I want to leave here feeling like i can be morgan again maybe not the same morgan but i just want to have so sort of pain relief both muscle and nerve wise. That's hard to say. cause i do want to get out of here in the next couple weeks, i miss my brothers. they were not aloud to be together because of the rules here. I miss them but we talked they went to my window and it just brought tears to my eyes! ....I want to beat this but right now my foot is ssoooo sensitive. i had a "bullet" earlier today! i call it that because it shoots the numbness into my body! ....like i said i have good and bad days ...today wasn't really great : ? but I'm optimistic tomorrow will be better i am hoping. and its just bout my mind set! I HAVE GREAT GOALS ....I WANT TO REACH THEM AND I WILL!! well off to bed...its 9! thanks for all your prayers and support! i will not let rsd get to me!
morgan

JAN 16TH~

TODAY...hmm so what shall i say about today! id say i have had an okay day! Wasn't what i expected but was rather easy! last night was ruff..i got about 3 hours of sleep! i woke up randomly with 3 of my crazy spaz attacks. I hate it ya know. its hard being here instead of chillin with my friends. But they say its gonna be worth it. I have been on new meds. I am not sure if its the meds or my tiredness but i am sooo mellow and sleepy. That sleeplessness kinda shifted my day P.T. started at 10 so i didn't reach my goal yet! But i am trying soooo hard!! i just cant give up. as much as in fact there are times when i feel s though the pain is so hard that i just want to stop trying!! But its days like these when i only had 3 spazums that make me think there is progress. It hard i just didn't know it would be so hard. sometimes its just meirly the wheelchair that gets to me. I know i have to get used to it.. I WANT TO GET BETTER! i am willing to work hard! but sometimes at p.t. its REALLY REALLY HARD! i guess it will make me stronger right? well i do know i have a great team and they are gonna try everything till it works! I just don't want anyone to give up on me. I need people to tell me we are not giving up. I see progress but there is so much more i need to overcome. although i don't love the hospital. THIS PLACE IS TAKING SUCH GOOD CARE OF ME!! tomorrow is a new day and i hope it will be as good as today!see like right now..its like a constant burning in my foot. But i am ignoring it. I am trying to tell the difference between burning and SPAZUMS. its like i said its like a shock. it starts somewhere then ends somewhere its just with my leg it hasn't stooped. I am hoping only a couple more weeks! i am almost all caught up in school and my friends are visiting frequently! but the best part is i get to see my little brothers tomorrow!! i miss them. But ya know they got scared when i had such excruciating spazums. i want to go home with out those. now i know i wont be painless but hopefully i wont be in this much Pain! i want to be this and i know i will, but Patience is a virtue. And i have to try harder everyday. My goal for tomorrow is to practice my breathing! its just so hard when everyone is telling you to breath and its sooo hard to! i want to but its hard i am trying...tomorrow...ILL TRY HARDER!! rsd isn't getting to me!!
MORGAN!